
The Leyte Provincial Capitol
Gov. Jericho L. Petilla
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Tuesday, February 23, 2010
WHY DO I HAVE TO FEEL THIS WAY?

“No man is an island”… Yeah it is really true. It is so hard to live life alone. When everybody expects you to be someone, can never be you! I admit that of my age now, I’m still dependent on my parents…No matter how I try to be out of them, I still end up crying and begging for their help. Living life full of confusions, worries, frustrations and disappointments end up with the idea of: What a waste of life is? For life is all about hardships and pain, seldom you can fell happiness and freedom. Sometimes I ask myself why???...Why is it that I’m here? What was the purpose of giving me birth and allowing me to breathe where in fact, I find myself imprisoned on something I don’t know…? Yes I can say that I have freedom but it’s not enough to make my life comfortable instead, it all results to be a miserable one. There are always limitations; they may say… you don’t have to do that or you don’t have to do this. They rule my life! Do they own me? Some people I know told me, how lucky I am to be me. But hey! Can you really see the real me? Can you fell that I am begging for someone to talk to? Everything in me is kept, that’s what I’m trying to find out…because even I don’t really know who I am. There are times when I just lie on my “duyan”, covering my face and pretending to be asleep but the truth is, I find myself crying without any reason and the feeling of being alone. It’s not easy to pretend and to be someone who is not the real you. They may say “be yourself and be confident,” but if i did, maybe they wont accept me… I am too emotional and very sensitive. So it’s better to do the opposite, to laugh though inside it hurts, to smile even though I shiver, to make a joke where it’s natural and to give advice which I can’t even apply to myself. Only GOD knows! Wow life! Full of expectations. They all believe that I can do all they want. They always think that I’m strong enough because they think so, but I’m weak and I’m afraid that someday they will be disappointed and blame me for what I’ve done instead of understanding and accepting the only things that I’ve achieved. I hope someday I can be what I am supposed to be. To live a life that I want and need. To do things that I’ve never done before. To forget all the feelings that made me hate other people. To cherish all the things that made me stand in all the challenges that came along. And to find myself where I really belong. HAPPINESS………..the virtue that all people want to achieve in their own story of life.
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